yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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