and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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