The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
