I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
we should paint friendship bongs
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
