Got a toothbrush?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
