So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
