At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
