she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
