shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
