At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
