yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize