at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
