I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
