So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
