K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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