He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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