Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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