I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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