toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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