just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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