I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
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