Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
