i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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