this is something i pride myself on being below average for
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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