Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
