Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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