One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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