I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have post one night stand depression
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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