Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
