He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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