my sisters under your porch take her home
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Someone came in the potted fern
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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