you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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