guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
