He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
