yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
