Is it normal to miss your booty call?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
