dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This house was built for laser tag.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
