u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
