Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
