I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
