yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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