idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
