Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
