He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
