She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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