She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
how drunk are you?
Several
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
