The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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