I can text with my tongue
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
