two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
