I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize