I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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