I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
