my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
