There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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