i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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