dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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