On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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