The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
