I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
