Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
