Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
