I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
