Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
