when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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