i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
