You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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