I heard we made out
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
