i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
