I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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