My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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