I need help removing her.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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