Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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