When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
