i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
