So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sober January is a disaster.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
