I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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