The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
