woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
