While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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