I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm like, not good at living.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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