and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
