I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
