my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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