i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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