You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
