I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
