I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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