two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
