i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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