Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
