his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize