garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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