Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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