he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
